WARNING: Not for the sarcasm-detection impaired.

1. Surprise meetings that you all of a sudden apparently own.

This meeting that you had no hand in setting, whose agenda you know nothing about, whose participants you’ve never met, and about which you learned only minutes before it started—it’s yours! You own this meeting!

2. Being made to make a surprise presentation at said meeting. You know--as a test.

3. Accounts that you own (allegedly) but have absolutely no control over, except being a meeting tag-along.

4. Hearing such encouraging and respectful false accusations as "not listening" or "not reading the COO's inane 2AM email."

5. Getting a suspicious look from a coworker in Marketing you smiled at.

6. Witnessing a hard sell as a serious sales lesson to emulate, apparently.

7. Being told by someone who hired you for your experience, "Unless your opinion comes from a standpoint of experience, it holds no water to me."

8. Hearing, "Can you make our logo bigger?"

9. Being advised, "Start your presentation with our Company History and Our Mission/Vision. They love that sort of thing."

10. Being onboarded by an HR generalist who's two weeks in. Real authority on the company's culture, products, and services.

11. On why things are how they are, getting the standard reply, "The previous guy already quit."

12. Being copied on emails addressed to Joe, then learning at the last minute, that it was implied you also need to do what Joe was told.

13. Receiving precious Marketing Qualified Leads like:

  • Steve L. of Nonprofit Unknown, with phone number [blank] and email stevieramrod234@gmail.com, and
  • HOT DEAL IN CRM: Overheard ABC Corp. plans to start a revenue-cycle management firm, please research CEO's phone number.

14. Being in charge of a new sales team member you had no involvement in hiring. Surprise! Damn surprises galore.


Salespeople totally LOVE the surprise respect, clarity, and expertise that sales management showers on them. Absolutely love it. Thank you, sales management. Thank you.